Time for a Neeeew blog!

Hi everyone.  Long time no blog! As I have received numerous requests to start a new blog since finishing "Gabriel's in a motorhome" I have finally decided to get off my bum and do it.

Please follow my new blog "Viva Las Karli" if you want to see me make a complete fool of myself every single day that I am in the US of A.  The address is vivalaskarli.blogspot.com.

I hope you enjoy.

Love Karli xxx

Photos

Shano and his Bear Grylls knife, going on a bear hunt.

...doing something that looks a bit strange really, I am not at all sure what he is trying to do actually...

Grace as bear bait?

Shano in Nashville - note the look of pure excitement.  Look harder!

Can you see the excitement now?

Bye Bye "B&H Special Filter Guy" and hello "Marlboro Man"

Shano's dream to see the Walton house.

This one is for you Ma and Pa.

Gracelene saying her goodbyes to Big Bertha.

Gracelene at her first Ice Cream Bar.

Us trying to get Shano excited about it.

Aunty Wendy, Grace took this for you.  Lon, Grace thinks you look exactly the same!!!!

The End....

Oh well I have been very, very slack the last few nights and didn't blog as I promised, as I have been eating, drinking and being very merry with the Connolly family here in Washington DC.  Of course I was also unable to stop chewing Helen's ear off as I have had no-one to speak to for the last month except for Silent Shano, Gracelene and of course anyone I could get my hands on at the Laundry, showers or fuel stations.  Times have been tough my friends and poor Helen had to take it for the team and she did a very good job of it!

Washington is just a really massive Canberra a far as I can tell.  Everyone here seems to think that they are better than everyone else and what they need to get done and where they need to be is so much more urgent and pressing than what I need to do, to be, to go!  Its all in the attitude.  It is however, very beautiful and I like it.  I am not sure I could live here because I simply do not have the same sense of entitlement as everyone else and I seem to be able to wait for things - I would NEVER be accepted.  Ha!

Shano has been speeding around the place at incredible speeds since relieving Big Bertha of her duties.  He has said his goodbyes and seems to be covering his sadness rather convincingly by accelerating  from 0 to 80 mph in 5 seconds flat every time we cross paths with a traffic light.  It was incredibly impressive and damn right miraculous however to witness Shano decanting our belongings from Big Bertha into our measly little ford focus.  I watched in awe as he squished and shoved everything in - perhaps there is a bit of MacGuyver in him after all.  That or he was a clown in a previous life and was in charge of packing the clown car full of 50 clowns.  Now that is a disturbing thought.

As for Gracelene, well we haven't seen her since we arrived at the Connolly's 3 days ago.  We occasionally hear squeals of delight from the playroom down the hall and she eats the food we put out for her so we know she is feeding.  She, too, I suspect, is extremely excited to have company instead of only her two boring, mean, nasty, boring, horrible, boring, boring, boring parents.

So there we have it folks, the end of the road for Team Gabriel in the Motorhome of Mentals!  Thank you so much for following our outrageous tour across the USA.  It has been humorous, challenging and bloody great fun and I hope you have enjoyed it as much as we have.  Also, I have attached a few more photos for you to laugh at before I sign off.  Take care everyone and please come an visit if you can and we love you all.

PS - I will be starting another Blog soon so you can follow our year in the US if you can be bothered.  I am sure it will be full of ways I have embarrassed myself, Shano and Australia in general.  I will keep you posted.  xxxxxxxx

The last night....

OK I am sitting here in the Shenandoah Valley, Virginia, watching Gracelene clumsily catch fire flies with a plastic bowl and a stick - hey she might just be McGuyver!!!  Very funny indeed. Shano is flexing his woodchopping muscles for the last time with a swiss army knife in one hand and a tomahawk in the other - he is NOT McGuyver.

I am on my 5th wine and thinking how I am going to miss Big Bertha when we hand her back tomorrow and also how I can't wait to be able to pee in a normal sized toilet and go to the loo in the middle of the night without being kneed in the head by Shano as our legs seem to hang off the end of our bed.  Gracelene has christened the evening by poohing her pants in the playground at the Shenandoah Valley RV park - all is right with the world.

I will write my final blog tomorrow night after handing back Big Bertha because who knows what could happen on the road to the handover!!!!!

Til tomorrow.

Observation of the day

OK, what is it here and the obsession with buffets?  Does anyone have any clues?  Everywhere we go there is the option to have the "buffet".  Now the buffet usually consists of the following: Fried chicken, shredded chicken, canned beetroot, canned pineapple, canned corn, canned beans, mashed potato, cheddar cheese, shredded iceberg lettuce and 50 types of salad dressing.  How much choice does a person actually need when it comes to salad dressing, really?  I will say this however, the buffet option includes dessert and it consists of 6 different types of homemade pies.  Oh my God.  If you come to the USA and are confronted with the choice of a menu item or the buffet, get the buffet just for the dessert.  You will not be disappointed! I promise.

Virginia is for lovers...

Virginia is for lovers or so I am told anyway.  Today Shano fulfilled a secret desire he has held since he was a little boy (as if - we all know he was born at 40).  He went to the Virginia Military Institute in Lexington, Virginia.  OK, we merely drove through it but I'm sure it is exactly the same thing as attending it! As we drove, Shano looked longingly at all the military landmarks wistfully wishing he was and old boy from VMI and I was looking longingly at all the antique stores wistfully wishing we could stop for more than the obligatory 1 minute it took to read each monument plaque. Alas we drove on....

Thank heavens Shano wanted to make a full hour stop at the Appomattox court house where the civil war ended.  In that hour as Shano perused the museum, Gracelene and I raced off into town to the antique shops.  Unbelievable!  Liss and Jess, as a trio we could have made a trillion dollars on the things that these people are throwing away as junk. No more Revolve for me, I am addicted to American Antique shops.  I think I might audition to be the third Picker Sister or just start my own cable show called "Fatties With Finds".  I think it could really be a hit. Anyway, Gracelene has had her first lesson in finding old crap and I expect her to go far! She has to have at least one positive thing to follow in my footsteps with as I sure as hell don't want her to marry a Military man or become 40 kgs overweight.  Hey perhaps Grace and I could start a show together called "Gabriel Girls Grab a Bargain".  Catchy eh!?

This great day of missed opportunities came to an abrupt end with Shano and I fighting in the car park of Macdonalds, whilst snitching the free wi-fi to find somewhere to stay for the night. All this was due to our previously booked RV park looking like a scene from Bad Boy Bubby.  The give away was when we couldn't find the office through the long grass and car bodies and I distinctly recall someone yelling "Well don't you look purdy".  As we reversed at great speed out, Shano was sure I had selected it and and I was certain that he had.  Hmmmm. Team Karli or Team Shano - make your choice.  Anyway, we eventually found a great spot only a mere 2 hours down the road and here it is we are, as I type.  Thank God.  For the second time this week I was beginning to practise my ability to squeal like a pig.

Squeal like a pig.....

Oh man what an exciting few days we have had.  After my disappointment at not being able to go “Zip Lining” through some state park in Tennessee, and having to pass on Dollywood (yes your eyes do not deceive you, Dolly Parton has a fun park in Seiverville, Tennessee called Dollywood).  I had my heart set on it but couldn’t convince Shano and Gracelene to come with me and  I thought it would be pretty desperate of me to go alone (although I was still a little tempted I have to admit).  It is just that people look at you funny if you go to children's places on your own.  Heaven forbid, I have been known to attack an old man or two when they were looking suspiciously alone around a children’s playground  - only of course to then realize they had grandkids on the monkey bars.  Ooops.  So Dollywood was out to the question and in an attempt to appease a tantrum throwing Karli, Shano suggested Tubing (or Toooobing as it is pronounced here) – as in my last post. 

Unfortunately, the weather was not conducive to fulfilling my dream of becoming a world champion tuber.  Oohhh, I hear you say.  Please, I am sure I was saved from having severe gravel rash on my arse as it dragged relentlessly on the bottom of the rocky stream. I have seen it happen before and it is not a pretty sight. Trust me.  

Well in lieu of that, Shano decided on a scenic route to our next location.  Let me tell you about Kentucky- it is amazingly beautiful with its rolling green fields, white fences and huge farmhouses.  The kind of place you can see yourself just moving right into.  Now let me tell you about the OTHER Kentucky that Shano and I discovered.  One wrong turn and we found ourselves cruising the Deliverance Highway to Hillbilly-ville, whilst listening to Toothless FM.  Picture Deliverance meets Wolf Creek and back drop it with a little banjo music and you will pretty much have it.  Oh dear God.  Lord knows I was terrified for our lives.  Every time Shano slowed down to turn a corner I would lock the doors and tell Grace to hide under a towel.  OK so maybe a slight exaggeration but you get the picture.  I was very pleased to see the main interstate stretch into view on the horizon.  Phew! Boy did we dodge a bullet.

After that ordeal, we made sure we didn’t follow any thin grey lines on the map and headed to Virginia.  We were happily driving along singing some crappy Alan Jackson song (I am slowly learning all the words to a number of crappy country songs – ssshhhh don’t tell anyone) when our blissful broadcast was interrupted with a weather announcement: a tornado warning!!!  What the……?  For those of you who have been following the whole blog, you may recall how I forced poor Shano to abort all Kansas sightseeing due to my paranoia about tornados.  And now 3 days from the end of our RV trip we are faced with a tornado warning IN VIRGINIA, right where we happened to be.  Come on!  Well needless to say, I am still here to tell the story and there was no requirement to ditch Big Bertha and hide under a bridge or chain ourselves inside a barn (reference to Twister, the worlds most realistic movie/documentary about tornados- please note sarcasm).  Funnily enough I do feel a tad disappointed.  It just goes to prove that crap will follow you anywhere – especially if you are scared of it.  xxx

Observation of the day

Let's talk about ceramic deer.  Why are people compelled to have ceramic statues of deer in their front yard.  Seriously, what on earth is that about - oh and the deer are usually accompanied by a sign that says "Jesus is love" or another ceramic statue of Mary.  Thoughts?

What, no alcohol?????

Well poor Shano.  We have arrived in our first (that we noticed) dry county.  The location of Shano's worst nightmare is right here in Corbin, Kentucky and what a surprise it was.  We drove for miles and miles and miles (and I do mean miles) trying to find a "package liquor store".  Alas our search was in vain as we finally deduced the horror that we were both not yet willing to face...... no alcohol for sale in this heavenly county.  None at all.  Not even when we went out to dinner - sorry no beer.  "But I have ribs" proclaimed Shano - still, no beer. There was however, a million and one cigarette and tobacco shops.  Apparently God is happy for you to smoke yourself into a cancerous oblivion, but sweet Jesus, you cannot have a wine with dinner.  Hmmmm.

And I have to say that a beer and a wine, was certainly being appreciatively anticipated after we stacked it in a pot hole so large I could have ordered fried rice through it.  Unfortunately Big Bertha couldn't hack the pressure and burst a tyre.  Yay for us being stranded in a weird little town called New Haven.  Grace and I went off in search of food and water while Shano handled the wheel ordeal.  While we were gone we made friends with an old train driver who taught Grace to run around yelling "TOOOOT" and pulling an imaginary horn, a pungent man who had beautiful manners and offered to buy Grace an ice-cream and very chatty waitress who gave us a verbal tour of the great town of New Haven.  Never let the Gabriels girls out on their own or they will take over the world.  Oh well, Wayne-O (his name "for real life" as Grace puts it) the tire man came to our rescue and we were on our way again after he chatted to Shano (how is that for bloody hilarious- Wayne-o and Shano....I love it) for 3 hours about a man who used to work there, who was Australian.  Wayne-O was certain Shano would know him....Hmmmmm.  Wayne-O we love you.

We are hitting the Daniel Boone (see earlier history lesson) State Park tomorrow so we can go Tubing.  Oh my holy hell I have been so desperate to give his a try ever since we saw 150 sweaty americans bobbing down a mountainous, rapid like river in tyre tubes, a couple of weeks ago.  It is clearly outrageous but I think Grace and I will love it.  Shano, well I'm not sure if he will like it but I don't care because it is recompense  for me having to go to battlefields and other such military things.  Stay tuned for tomorrow's installment. Did Shano survive a night in a dry county only to tube his way to broken leg or did he survive the whole ridiculous, alcohol free affair??????? xxx

Observation of the day

Today marks 3 weeks that Shano has survived without TV! Impressive.  I thought it was noteworthy and wanted to express my amazement to the world.  Oh yes I was skeptical about whether or not he could do it but I have been proven wrong and I still cannot believe it.  What is more concerning is what I have to do if he makes it to 4 weeks.  Cringe!

Shano's Mecca!

This is it everyone, we have finally reached the place on earth that Shano loves and worships and everything it produces........Tennessee!!!

Yesterday we drove through the Great Smoky Mountains which was amazing but challenging as we followed at least 50 million motorbikes. That always causes Shano much distress and induces road rage in various forms.  I am surprised that Shano's face didn't cramp up and seize with all the snarling, yelling and stink eye looks he was throwing at everyone.  Go on everyone, go visual!  The scenery was awesome and we stopped at a tucked away place for a swim in the river - freezing but excellent.  The kind of cold where you have to psych yourself up for about half an hour to get in and after inching your way into the water you eventually just fling yourself in. Chilly indeed.

Shano and Grace ventured into the Linville Caverns that hid deserters from the civil war.  Shano thought is was incredible and raved about it for hours after where as Grace apparently went berserk when they switched the lights off to impress upon the tourists "how dark it actually was". And I mean berserk! There were tears and screaming and desperate clinging to Shano who was busy taking in the ambience I'm sure. Hayley, I think the reaction was similar to the time Graclene got locked in the loo at your place.  Hysterical.  Where was I, I hear you asking?  Well, I wasn't dumb enough to go in there in the first place. Small confined spaces and I are not friends - in fact we have no relationship whatsoever and I intend to keep it that way.  I read a book by the LARGE and OPEN picturesque river outside in the sun.  I only heard the Gracelene screams.  hee hee.

OK so we are off to find Shano a smaller brimmed hat today in the fabulousness of Tennessee somewhere.  Photos to follow.  xxxx

 

From Gracie

Hi everyone.  Firstly I want to tell Thomas that I am trying lots of new foods. Some I like and some I don't like, oh yeah and some I kind of like.

Today I went into a big cave called a cavern.  I kind of got scared when they turned the lights off but my Dad was there so I was ok.  Sorry girls but there were no diamonds or crystals or anything like that.  A long time ago in 1915 there were two boys who went exploring in the cavern without telling anyone they were there.  One of the boys slipped over and smashed the lantern and it then took 2 whole days for the boys to find their way out in total darkness.  Really really really dark.  Seriously, I am telling you it was sooooo dark.  Perhaps they should have told someone that they were going exploring in the caves.  Hmmmmm?

Also we have been staying in lots of National parks and so we have been looking for bears and beavers. Every night we have been roasting marshmallows.  Oh yeah!  They are really yummy.  Sometimes my Mum and I burn our faces off and Daddy has to roast them for us.

Just to let you know, I have found out on our trip that my Daddy is really scared of geese and my Mummy is really scared or clowns. Can you believe that? Oh yeah (from Mummy, what on earth does Oh yeah mean?????).

I also got to swim in some beautiful waterfalls and mountain rivers.  When we went swimming and looking for gold, my Daddy lost one of his thongs and it went sailing down the river.

I forgot to say that my Daddy and I went to a soldier museum like the War Memorial in Canberra which some of you might have seen.  Some soldiers were there and there were lots of girl soldiers too.  Daddy and I went on two ships.  One was an aircraft carrier and one was a battleship.  It was very very hot.  I saw the sailor beds and I am telling you they only had tiny boxes to put their things in.  Sooooo tiny. The chefs on the ships made loads and loads and LOADS of food.  Can you see the photo of me standing next to the huge mixer called a master mixer.  Can you believe it?

We are nearly finished our trip.  Only one week to go.  I promise to write more soon.  I miss all of you and have sent a postcard.

Love Grace xxx

Observation of the day

Today I saw a man driving his "truck" and reading the newspaper.  I desperately tried to get a photo because I knew no-one would believe me but I swear to you it is as true as me sitting here listening to Bob and Edith take a joint shower.  A newspaper for heavens sake.  

Daniel Boone was a man, he was a big man....

Ok so we have parked up for three days in a place called Boone in North Carolina.  Yes it is named after the one and only Daniel Boone, who as it turns out, is a bit of a winner!  I thought he was just some man that we used to sing a song about in school whilst playing elastics but he was in fact a real person who lead a very interesting life.  Did you know that 3 of his 10 children were captured by indians, he himself was later captured and made part of their tribe, til he escaped and he didn't die until he was 85 (but was still hunting?  What a hard dude! I seriously feel like donning a racoon hat and running around the countryside hunting something with a knife. Ok maybe not THAT drastic but, hey, a girl can be inspired.

Anyway, enough of that history lesson.  We are here for 3 days as it is Memorial Day weekend in the USA (like Anzac Day) and that means 2 things; 1) every single campground for miles is absolutely chock a block.  In fact we are currently wedged into this campsite like a bunch of sardines.  Side by side RV's as far as the eye can see. Just five minutes ago I heard Bob from next door (who is a Sagitarian and likes long walks on the beach and rides a Harley with his wife Edith who has ingrown toenails) go to the bathroom.  A very pleasant experience, let me tell you.  I intend to repay the favour later on this arvo after some spicy mexican for lunch!  hee hee.  Sorry Dad I know you will be rolling you eyes after reading that.  Anyway 2) we get all kinds of discounts because we are a military family.  And I means serious discounts! In fact we could go to a Dodge car yard and buy one car and get one free.  Can you believe that!!!

On a different note I wanted to tell you about an exciting experience I had yesterday when we stopped for lunch at KFC because Shano wanted to try the buffet (an experience in itself that I am not quite ready to speak of yet - simply use your imagination and times it by 50 and that might give you a slight indication).  While we were there a gentleman called Bobby-Joe tried to hit on me! I speak not a lie when I tell you that he had no teeth, lots of grease in his hair and a crazy lazy eye that meant I wasn't sure if he was winking at me or the man across from me.  I tell you, who needs a southern man when you can have a hill billy mountain bloke.  I made Shano drive off very quickly and wear his most intimidating look.  Bobby-Joe was not deterred however.  What can I say - I've still got it!!! Yay for me.

I will post back again tonight after I have convinced Shano to participate in the camp enforced fun of Tie-Dying a bandana and matching T-Shirt and hitting the bingo hall.  xxxxx

Photos xx

Us all accidentally wearing red whilst at the Vicksburg Battlefield.  Apparently it is the Confederate colour so we fit in.  Noice.

Marshmello roasting... I think.

No humans or animals were harmed during this process.  

One of our X-Files campsites.  

Gracelene Attenborough 

Shano's bottom

A man and his BBQ......

Gracelene and an Aircraft Carrier Kitchen Aid Mixer.  Does it come in red?

Gracelene flying something?

Shano  shooting down kamikaze on the flight deck of the USS Yorktown (PTSD much????)

Shano's impression of many drivers we have seen.  The only thing missing is HSano texting at the same time.  No indicators were harmed in this re-enactment. 

A close up impression of the drivers. 

Observation of the day

Ok so why don't motorbike riders here wear any protective clothing.  I saw at least 10 riders today in nothing but sneakers and shorts! I would just cringe every time one would drive by and think about how much it would hurt if they had a stack.  Holy cow, imagine the gravel rash.  Also on that note, the motorcyclists here are very skilled and can text and ride one handed - imagine that!  Oh the skill that must take to not nearly fall off or run into something.  Hell, I have to actually stop, sit down and clear my mind of all other nonsense before I can text - I can't imagine throwing the added pressure of riding a motorbike at the same time into the mix.  I can feel the gravel rash as I type. xxxx

OK, so much to my disappointment, Charleston proved too difficult to manoeuvre Big Bertha around in and finding a park was even more difficult than finding Osama Bin Laden, so our time there was short but adventure filled.  I have decided to go back when we are settled because I didn't find the Southern man I was after.  Shano says "sure, go ahead" which means we must have been stuck in a bus together for 3 weeks!!! We did, however, stay at a great little park that had a lake full of alligators, a nature walk full of poison ivy and evening full of mosquitos.  The night was spent with me running around squashing 50 million mozzies with a bunched up brochure every time Shano went out for a ciggy - all with a glass of wine in my hand.  I even suggested to him that he should smoke through the fly screen but he just wouldn't be up for it.  What is that about.  Anyway, early this morning, Team Gabriel arose way too early to go and see some crazy ship that was docked.  When I say "Team Gabriel" I of course mean the Team Gabriel minus the Karli component - I went shopping instead!  Real shopping.  Not "over excited, I need to spend some money so will buy stupid stuff at Walmart" shopping, but real live shopping in real live shops!  Amazing.  It actually felt weird for about 5 minutes, as I have been joined at the hip to my other darling members of Team Gabriel in the Motorhome of Mentals, for the last few weeks but I managed to force myself to get over it and console myself with some good old fashioned retail therapy.  Hey, if Dr Phil endorses it, it must ok.   Anyway, so alas, I did not get my fix of Rhett and only a small glimpse of amazing Southern architecture, but it was fun anyway.

Tonight we are in Wilmington, North Carolina with has AMAZING seafood - Shano and I have already eaten 250 lobsters and thousands of shrimp done in 30 different ways.  Bloody delicious.  Grace is happy because the playground is just outside our door which means she can hang out with the squirrels and not her boring, mean parents.  Ooohhhh for Gracelene.  So easily pleased is our darling Gracie Lou.  I know she must be lonely because she keeps making friends with random grandparents in each park we stay at. She runs (or swims) up to them and says "Hi my name is Grace and I'm from Darwin in Australia".  They (being the random family Grace has selected) love it and sometimes invite her back for dinner. Hmmmmm, I wonder where she gets that from....... Shano perhaps?  Nothing like that on MY side of the family.

I am going to shoosh up now and post some photos.  Love you all.  xxxx

Observation of the day

The military here LOVE a statue.  They have them everywhere for everything and everyone.  Today at Fort Benning I am sure I saw a statue of the man who cleans the bathrooms at the museum - I am not joking.  There is this very impressive statue of a man in the stance of "Follow me.." (to where I am not sure as it looked like he was facing the cafeteria so perhaps he was hungry????) and apparently his name is Iron Mike.  What a handsome man he is - hell I would follow him, even if it was to my death.  Anyway I have a new name for him (sort of by accident as I am always stuffing these things up) - it is Metal Mike.  Catchy hey!  Shano thinks I am a moron - I think I am creative by accident. Thoughts?? xxxx

Georgia on my mind...

Well after surviving another night in the wilderness I feel 10ft tall and bullet proof.  No vampires, werewolves, zombies or demons   Last night we stayed in a state park in Georgia.  It was beautiful and right on the lake.  Sorry Hayley but it really was beautiful!  Anyway it rained and we had to hang out in Big Bertha for a bit but then it cleared up just in time for the geese to all arrive on our bank and start to haunt Shano.  It was as if we had parked BB right on a geese breeding ground.  Picture it if you will (or can) – Shano standing on beach surrounded by and entire gaggle of geese and looking extremely nervous!!!  There were so many geese in fact that I am not sure that 1 gaggle would adequately account for how many geese there  actually were.  So perhaps if we say that 1 gaggle represents 20 geese, then Shano was surrounded by 5 gaggles!  Hilarious.  To calm down, Grace and Shano went on a squirrel hunt and "theoretically" almost shot two deer.  Theoretically because a) Shano had no weapon and b) Grace screamed out "Don't kill them Daddy" at the vital moment.  Well, no prizes for guessing who won't be going hunting when the season starts in Pennsylvania!!!!

Today we went to Fort Benning to see where they filmed "We Were Soldiers Once" and also Mick and Deb's old house (promise we are not stalking you or anything).  Shano then convinced me to go with him and Grace to the Infantry Museum which is the size of our War Memorial.  Lots of things that whizzed and banged that kept me amused for about ten minutes and then I went for coffee.  Shano and Grace who are died hard War Memorial fans lasted about two hours. Impressive!  I know that you will tease me for going Hayley but it really was very interesting. Promise.

Tomorrow we are off to Charleston and I am sooooo excited. It is somewhere I have always wanted to go since seeing "Gone with the Wind" and that really crappy mini series called "North and South" with Patrick Swayze - Spunk!!!  So I will keep you posted tomorrow on whether or not I have run off with a hot southern man and left Shano and Gracelene to roam the countryside without me.  Til then......

Observation of the day

People like to to be very close to each other here.  At our campsite today, 4 million people parked right next to each other but there was a bunch of spaces further down the road.  Maybe they have been watching too much "Supernatural" and "Walking Dead" too.  Perhaps they think it is safety in numbers?  Who knows. xxx

Nightmare in an Alabama State Park...

Well, I would just like to share with you all that I have faced one of my worst fears and lived to tell the tale.  No it wasn't Shano running around in nothing but his big black hat yelling "Yeehaawwwww" or Gracie Lou doing a large pooh in a public pool (although that is also one I have survived) but a night in the woods at some random Alabama state park.  That's right folks, it had all the makings of not one but ALL of the horror films I have ever see.  Let me paint a picture: It strikes a very similar resemblance to "Walking Dead" (zombies), "Supernatural" (demons and other strange thingys) and "X-files".  And low and behold nothing ate me, attacked me or even so much as tried to possess me!  Oh My God I can take on the world!!!!  hee hee.

Well this has to be a short one because I can vaguely hear the dolced (is that a word) tones of Lynard Skynard's Sweet Home Alabama and I feel the need to start line dancing.  Also Gracie Lou has run off into the dreaded woods to chase squirrels and I have to go and get her.  I am not so worried about her being attacked by demons because I think that they have turned her already! My very own demon child.

Love to all. xxxxx

Observation of the day

I had noticed that they like to name things very simply over here.  Keep it simple must be their motto when naming a product - don't be too tricky or no one will know what you are talking about.  For example, I bought my first coffee machine the other day and it is called "Mr Coffee".  That't right folks, Mr Coffee.  No confusion there as to what I was buying and definitely no buyers remorse.  I also purchased at the same time some "I can't believe its not butter" butter and "Mr Cheese".   xxxxxxxxx

Yerr not from these parts are ya?

Well today as we were driving through Mississippi Shano took a wrong turn for some fuel.  We arrived in this amazing place call Fayette.  As I got out to pay for the fuel I noticed everyone staring at me and I mean EVERYONE.  Now initially I thought my skirt was tucked up in my knickers but then I noticed I had pants on - OK. Perhaps I have massive booga strewn unattractively across my face. Face check, nothing- OK. So and start chatting with the shop owner and a huge black man comes right up behind me and says "You aint from around these parts are ya little lady?"  "No" I say cheerfully, "I'm from Australia - its really beautiful around here I love it." I add excitedly.  Silence.  More silence and then a little bit more silence.  OK, I think what could the problem be.  And then I figure it out..... we are the ONLY white people in the town.  And I mean the ONLY. It was so bloody hysterical and I was such a naive idiot!!  On another note the whole town  so proud of a young gentleman who had graduated from high school that they had a massive billboard put up in his honour - it said "Congratulations to O'Man O'Dawg Smith for graduating in 2012" (only surname changed to protect his identity). What the hell kind of name is that?    I love this place.  xxx

Observation of the day

Lets talk about Gawkers.  Holy hell how may people over here need to stare at you aimlessly.  Without a word of a lie, Shano and I have at least 5 to 10 sets of gawkers a day.  They just drive past staring at you without waving or nodding or smiling.  It is just plain weird! STOP I say.  It give me the irrates. xxx

The Mighty Mississippi

How bloody fabulous is the Mississippi River?  I had no idea how great it actually was.  All this time I thought it was just a place full of rednecks and thoroughly unpleasant.  Well I was right and wrong.  We stopped for lunch today and had our first Crawfish - we are still unsure as to what that is but we loved it anyway.  Sort of a cross between lobster and prawns as far as I can gather.  It was so sooo yummy.    Anyway, Shano has just popped out to have a look at the river by night and I have bid him farewell in case he gets eaten by an alligator or attacked by the KKK.  You never know in these parts.  Actually I shouldn't joke about that because we are tonight in the very place that the movie "Mississippi Burning" was about - and filmed in. It is a great spot but still very "separate" as far as I can tell.  It is so beautiful here with all the old southern architecture - Hayley you would go berserk.  We went and had a look at an old plantation estate today and it was so bloody amazing that I wanted to move right in.  So very "Gone with the Wind" meets Mississippi.  All the while I can't help feeling utter disbelief that so many of the things happened here that I have read about and seen on TV.  It makes me kind of sad - how on earth do we do such terrible things to each other.  I would really like to meet a clan member and punch them in the nose (or glass 'em). Anyway this is one of the nicest places we have come to in the South so far. I was beginning to think it was all awful.  On a more depressing note, can anyone believe that Donna Summers died - what the hell? No more "Hot Stuff" I'm afraid.  Sorry I know that was random but the woman was a disco genius!

OK no more from me tonight as I sit contemplative in my Motorhome of Mentals, with a glass of wine  and think about life and the KKK.  Very shitty indeed.  Hell I could go to bed in a sulk if it had not been for the gorgeous "african american" lady with teased hair and blue eyeshadow, at the shop screaming to everyone about how much she loved my hair.  She really did - ask Shano - he was embarrassed.  Tomorrow I will be in a much better mood and able to see the world through my wonderful rose coloured glasses again.  No pun intended.  xxxx

Gay men RV too....

OK so I was in the laundry today having a good old chin wag with this lovely man.  We were chatting about where we were both going to and blah blah blah.  Anyway he kept evading all my questions about who he was travelling with.  No matter how I asked the question he would answer ambiguously.  Anywa it all fell into place when I saw how he was folding his sheets - perfectly! It was then that I announced rather loudly "Oh you're gay".  He was quite taken back but continued folding anyway.  I apologised for my outburst and explained that my gaydar must have been broken.  He laughed and then started to fold MY washing too.  Yay.

God Bless Texas!

Hello again.  Yes it has been two days since my last blog and I promise that won't happen again.  Sorry Tess!  Well we have spent the last few days in Texas - what a place.  Funnily enough I felt as if I was driving through the NT a lot of the time.  Only people have more teeth, better manners and bigger hats.  "Good church goin' folk round heya" was what I was told when we stopped for fuel.  Oh shit, I thought initially.  But do you know what, I kind of like it here.  People tip their hat at you and hold the door for you and let you go first in the line if you are a lady.  I even had someone tell me "Well dang it, aint you the prettiest Oss-tralian lady I ever did meet".  Well dang it, how can I NOT love it here.  Hee hee.  Shano, who is 150% in his element, has spent the whole time yelling "Yeeeeeehaw" at the drop of a bloody big hat and saying how much he loves Texas - "Everything is bigger and faster in Texas, Ma'am".  Not even a little teeny weeny bit annoying, let me tell you.  I have him almost convinced to hand over his black hat to buy a new one.  Oh dear god please.  I will keep you posted on that one.  Grace has purchased her girls cowgirl hat - a pink one of course.  Hayley, Dylan would be hell jealous as she also has new pink boots to match!!! Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaw!  On a different note, I figured out Shanos cryptonite last night.  And you will NEVER believe what it is..... Geese! Without a word of a lie, he is hell scared of geese.  Apparently when he was little (sorry folks he wasn't born at 40 as I have long suspected) he used to get chased by geese and they used to bite his skinny little legs - OOOHHHHH. So, we were at this park last night (which had the most amazing showers and toilets I have to tell you. You know how I love my loos) and they had a pet goose that took a shine to poor Shano.  They must be like cats - they know when you hate them.  Anyway it followed him around everywhere.  He even hid in Big Bertha and the bloody goose waited for him.  I tell you the God honest truth.  It waited at the front door for him to come out.  I was in stitches because I thought Shano was going to cry or snap its neck.  I wasn't sure which way it was going to go but I was soooo amused.  Anyway eventually I scared it away and I felt a little sad.  It was so funny.  Ok we have now crossed the border into Louisana and I feel like I have entered a scene from True Blood (that's right Liss).  We stopped (quite by accident) at "Karen's Cafe" in the middle of nowhere.  It was this bizarre place that had all the windows covered over.  Shano pointed out that it was possible it was for the vampires - Oh thanks a lot I thought.  Do you even know me at all?  I will be obsessing over that til we leave the bloody state.  All I need now is for Lon to tell me it looks a little like a scene from Supernatural or Walking Dead (with it does also) and I won't be sleeping for a week with garlic and exorcist spells in hand whilst zombie proofing Big Bertha.  Don't worry Hayley, there are quite a lot of people that look like Darryl round these parts.

Ok enough from me so I can finish my laundry in the communal room - one of the downsides of RVing - and have dinner.  We are still having the best time and miss you all.  Big hugs  xxxxx

Observation of the day

Guess what? Over here when you say that someone comes from the "wrong side of the tracks" you ACTUALLY mean the other side of the tracks.  We have been through sooo many small towns with 2 separate parts to it - the good side of the racks and the bad side of the tracks.  Very interesting.  Somehow, and I am not sure how, but wherever WE need to be is on the WRONG side of the tracks.  Hmmmm, interesting.  xxxxx

We're not in Kansa anymore Toto...

Yippee!! I awoke in the same spot I went to sleep and am now safely out of the state.  We drove through Oklahoma today and I am proud to say that I sang the musical song the whooooooole way.  Shane hated it!!! I loved it.  Also to my name today, I can chalk one up that I actually ordered and then consumed a chicken fried steak.  That's right I really did.  Dad, I know you will appreciate the excitement.  I must say that I did not actually like it but I tried it anyway. MMMMMM - Yummy.

Well as I sit here innocently typing away, Shano is singing at the top of his lungs "Lucille" by Kenny Rogers.  It is pure cat screeching and is making my ears bleed but I cannot force him to stop - oh hell he has now started on "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash.  Great!  Yes folks that means we have crossed the border into Texas and Shano is very very excited about it.  In fact he screamed "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaa!" as we  bashed across the state line in Big Bertha.  Terrifying to say the least.  hee hee.

OK I am off to my curtained bed to escape the horror which has befallen me (Shano on his iPod).  I hope that all is well and I can't wait to tell you all about the Cowboy Museum tomorrow.  I bet you are all stapling your eyelids to the back of your head so as not to miss a second of that one! Til then my friends.  xxxxx

Grace's News

Hi everyone, it is so good to talk to you.  I am having sooooooooooo much fun.  We went to a dinosaur museum and we saw lots of real fossils and bones.  My most favourite dinosaur was the Long neck.  It was very very big.  I saw lots of fossils that were really big and very old.  I saw a lady cleaning the dirt off the bones and fossils when they came out of the ground and I thought it would have been really hard to put them together.  I also went for a swim in a special pool.  It is called a mineral hot springs.  It didn't have any cold water it was all warm and hot.  I am in Texas and it is nice here.  Tomorrow I am going to a cowboy and cowgirl museum with my Dad. I have been all over America and these are the States I have visited so far: California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma and now Texas.  Did you know that Kansas is where the Wizard of Oz starts?  Also, I am travelling in a big van that has a bed over the roof which is mine and my Mum and Dad's bed is at the back.  It is like the   Ben 10 van.  I love it.  So goodbye class and Miss Pearson, farewell my friends. Love Grace :-)

Observation of the day

Today while I was in Walmart - that's right, Walmart - I noticed 4 employees that were named Alvin!  4! Note to self: don't name your son Alvin or he might end up working in Walmart!!! xxx

There's no place like home.....

Firstly, Happy Mothers Day!  I know you all celebrated it before I did but oh well.  I love you all.

Today and yesterday were long days.  We drove to Mount Rushmore to see Crazy Horse but he wasn’t finished yet, which we thought was strange considering he was bloody started in 1948.  What is that about – get him finished already!!!!  We were so cross at paying $20 to see Crazy Horse’s nose that we zoomed off to see the rest of the heads.  That took us about 5 seconds (though they were extremely impressive) due to Grace yelling out “is that all?” so we thought we should keep driving as not to offend anyone.  Ooops.

We drove through Wyoming, Nebraska, South Dakota and are now settled in Garden City, Kansas.  Admittedly I am feeling very nervous and continue to scan the horizon for a twister, which is of course completely ridiculous as the sun is shining brightly and there isn’t a cloud in the sky.  Yet, I keep nervously glancing round under the guise of admiring the view.  Shano of course thinks I am absolutely retarded and has ditched all his Kansas sight seeing plans to drive us as fast as possible through the state just so he doesn’t have to see me twitch every time a cloud moves!!!!  And I am deadly serious!!!

On a more humorous note (for those of you who don’t feel that me forcing my beloved husband to miss more Indian battlefield sites in Kansas is funny enough), Grace and I saw our first fossils in the windy state just this evening.  Were they of a Mammoth, as we saw in Wyoming?  Nooooo!  Were they of a Long neck or a terradactyl perhaps?  Noooo.  They were the sink taps in the RV park toilets.  I swear to God.  I believe they are about 50 million years old and have the lime scum and build up to prove it.  In the morning I am going to sneak in with my camera and try and get a photo because it is truly unbelievable.  Grace and I were both very proud of our find and hope they name it after us – “KarGraciasaurus.”  See what we did there……?

Anyway, I’m off to bed and am hoping to still wake up in this RV park and not the land of Oz.  Shane would be Tin Man right!??  I bags being the chick with the plaits but I think if Grace had her way I would end up like the witch under the house with her shoes sticking out the bottom.  Hmmmm.

Nighty night everyone and always remember… There’s no place like home.  Miss you all.  xxx